Myth: My relationship with my partner should be effortless.
Fact: With any two unique individuals coming together, there are going to be differences. Every person and relationship is fundamentally imperfect. One has to work on their relationship every day to make it meaningful and lasting.
By Sakshi Saini (Counseling Psychologist)
In love, there's no one-size-fits-all solution, but understanding and addressing the Withdrawer vs. Pursuer dynamic can significantly improve how you navigate a conflict and your relationship. It's a journey of self-awareness and empathy that can lead to a stronger and healthier partnership.
Having shared goals and working towards them together has been very helpful in keeping our relationship strong e.g saving for a vacation. Having something to work towards together keeps us motivated and gives us a sense of accomplishment.
Understanding where my hurt or fear or neediness came from was the first step in helping me strengthen our relationship. Getting to know myself better really helped me feel happier in our relationship, including the hopefully passionate, exciting, challenging, and rewarding life-long relationship with myself and my partner.
As a couple, staying friends has always been important for us, so we have a lot of simple rituals that help us stay that way. E.g together we write inspiring, funny, and uplifting messages on sticky notes and leave them in unexpected places around our community.
No two individuals are alike. And expecting that one’s partner would be similar to us in every way would be unfair. It puts pressure on the relationship which might lead to conflicts in the long run. It is important that both partners feel free and unconfined in a relationship for it to nurture.