"How my 10-Years Elder Wife is My Perfect Blessing"

"When we told our parents that we wanted to get married, pat came a common reply: You are not Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra with immense money at their disposal to look after their whims and fancies. You are a real Indian couple, so be practical," recalls 39 year old Sussana John, who celebrates her second wedding anniversary with Avdhesh Rana in December 2022. But mentally, Avdhesh tells us they have been together since 2017 when they met at his elder sister's wedding gala in Jaipur, Rajasthan. 

The 29 year old husband adds, "When my sister got to know this, initially she was shocked, but after one year of our courtship, she realized that we two were made for each other. It was she who took the wedding proposal to both sets of parents. And it took them a year more till 2019 to come around with our ideas, our plans and our future goals."

‍But relatives? Because it is always a big fat Indian wedding, with all eyes on the bride. 

Commercial Pilot Sussana recalls, "From murmurs to whispers to loud open talks about my age, both sides of relatives left no stone unturned to make us feel embarrassed before and during the wedding functions. But perhaps, since we had talked about the same among us, among our parents and siblings, we took this all in our stride. And even managed to silence a few nasty comments by dancing to the beats of MERE ANGNE MEIN TUMHARA KYA KAAM HAI..." She has a hearty laugh joined in by Avdhesh, who is an IT professional. 

Today they are a happy family of four to six with Avdhesh and Sussana's parents taking turns to stay with them often. 

Avdhesh tells me, "Friends, relatives often ask us, how do we ensure that our love overtakes the age gap in our relationship. And we have a five-point advice that we would love to share with everyone via Baely App. My wife will detail it for all."

Susanna shares her six tips on "How to Handle the Age Gap in A Relationship or Any Marriage"

1. "Try to understand each other as who they are, accept each other as who we are. He accepts me as an elder of the house, while I do the same care as I do for any younger one! For instance, if there is a big decision on our minds and if we are discussing things and making our points on each side, it's Avdhesh who always leaves the final decision to me. At times, when I am not sure, then we go to our parents for advice. In short, he treats me as an elder and that respect with love holds me strong everyday."
2. "Give space to the spouse. He loves to party every weekend, while I love to take breaks from parties often due to my extended flying hours. So we give each other that space. He ensures that he doesn't drag me to the hours where I may feel restless, and I ensure that once a month we party hard with friends, be it our home or theirs."
3. "Find ways to enjoy things of mutual interest. He loves to party, but I don't. I love to swim, but he is scared of water. So within a  month of our wedding we made a list of things that we enjoyed mutually. And within three months we realised that we love to play indoor and outdoor games a lot. And above all, travelling and trekking in the greens gives us both a high, that has no comparison!" 
4. "Face the uncertainty -- I am 10 years older than him, so we have to prepare for anything, right from early retirement for me, to having children perhaps via an IVF in future to even facing old age issues earlier than him. We have worked upon planning all these, talking about the same, even before we got married. And we still discuss the same to plan it out well. Rest...as God willing, because we never know how much time we have together!" Sussana smiles, clutching his hand with warmth while he slightly bends his head on hers with sheer love. Then she moves onto the next detail... 
5. "Agree to disagree because we have a wide gap of 10 years so there is a generation gap too!. Agree to disagree, both ways, but never let a trifle convert to a quarrel. And never sleep angry (if at all one is) is the thumb-rule in our house.
6. "Last but not the least we always try to find advantages in each other's age! Yes, he is younger so knows way more ideas on how to chill and relax, and holiday better." Avdhesh chuckles here and adds, " And her experience in life saves me so many days right from work to brickbats from relatives and more. I accept the fact that having an elder wife is a big boon when it comes to handling work as well as extended family relations. She handles it all with such patience and elan!"

Avdhesh and Sussana are planning a two kids family, be it their own or adopted. And coming from their personal life and mutual experience they wish to have an age gap of at least six years between the two kids. No wonder, for the reasons they mentioned, the idea seems thought worthy and quite hopeful. So let's wish them well, in their life and adventures! 

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(The names of the above family members have been changed at request from the family, to maintain their privacy)

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Disclaimer: 

‍The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/ protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.