The conversation around finance died the moment I started it before my husband and I got married. I started it because I am a woman who held financial independence and breaking free from patriarchy and everything related, in high regard.
So the said conversation started while arguing over a bill after a lunch date. I wanted to pay the bill - at least on alternate dates. By then, we were already slated to get married. Ours was an arranged one. To this, my partner responded, "Oh, you can pay for all. After all, it is our money." I was like, "We are not 'our' yet." Then came the long explanation. He logically said, "If you spend now, you will have a smaller bank balance when we marry. So technically, it already is 'our' money."
Subsequently, we chatted further and discussed my startup plans and our financial considerations, and how things would be, should, and when we had a child. This helped us both get a good understanding of each other's mindset toward family, our respective professions, ambition, and finances.
We had already thought of me starting up when we took the decision of planning a family. This was also based on our respective bank balances and what amount would we invest in my startup, our early milestones, and how they would be spaced out with the baby coming into the picture. He had planned that he would take care of our family's current needs while I would secure our future, with my startup, as none of us are in pensionable jobs.
After we got married, we made a proper Excel sheet, with broad investments, and debts. We bought a home the same year as when I started out and the baby was born. Too much to handle, but our finances were planned accordingly. You see, we are both self-made individuals with no capital support from our parents, but luckily our parents invested in our education and we worked hard all our lives to graduate from some of the most prestigious institutions in the country.
Making an Excel sheet was a great idea. It gave us a good idea of our collective finances and responsibilities. As partners, we supported each other's growth and collectively worked towards building a happy home.
At times, our equation seemed unequal, but in the larger perspective, when we look back now, it has all balanced out.
Making an Excel-sheet helped reduce confusion for us. But even if we didn't make one, and simply arrived at a suitable solution that kept us both happy and stress-free, it would have worked out.
My husband and I always participate equally in financial decision-making. In fact, in every decision-making. Equality in participation keeps us happy individually and as a family happy. And in the end, that is all that matters.
