This week Baely’s consulting editor Mahima Sharma brings you the life story of Noida, Uttar Pradesh-based Amanpreet Kaur, and Kanwar Pal Singh. The middle-aged couple and their post-wedding love story of how they have managed to keep their love blossoming over coffee dates through life and work!
WHY DID BAELY DO THIS INTERVIEW WITH AMAN AND KANWAR?
I (Mahima Sharma) met Kanwar and Amanpreet around Diwali 2022. It was a chance encounter at her cafe SPARROWS AT HOME in Noida, Uttar Pradesh - a very warm Aman walked up to me to say -Hello. After a quick intro, she walked back to her husband sitting in the cafe. Mr Singh was clearly busy doing some office work on his laptop, while juggling some casual conversations with the wife, off and on. It intrigued my mind - what is this setup? Something about work-life balance? Or more? Let’s learn more from them!
JAB THEY MET!
It was love at first sight for Kanwar so I let him narrate his love story, "Mahima, my first job was in Mohali where she also used to stay. I was attracted to her in the year 2000 during familial visits as my relatives knew her family. When the wedding-alliance offer arrived through relatives, I knew she was my destiny. But after initial formal rounds of talks, I asked her frankly, if she does see a future life-partner in me? Her without-pressure consent was as important to me as my liking for her. And only after her consent, we moved ahead. Moreover, she was passionate about teaching, which matched my family values as my mother is an educator. So we knew, this was it."
Aman smiles looking at him, and narrates her side, "Before the wedding, we just had casual discussions. But what I loved the most was his positive attitude towards life. And that's what clicked between us. We got married in 2005."
And she suddenly recalls something she calls funny (which later on went to become an asset in her life). Aman informs, "During our talks before the wedding, I told him that I am NOT inclined to do an MPhil. But he misheard that I wish to do the same! So, he not only ensured that his family agreed, but also made me not only do an Mphil from Himachal Pradesh but also a BEd from Meerut. And mind it, the BEd was right after my first daughter was born. This support was like an unasked-for dream come true." As she looks at him in pride, I smile along.
THE CLOSE-KNIT FAMILY
Coming to the present day in December 2022, middle-aged Aman and Kanwar now have two daughters aged 15 and 10 respectively. They live as a family of six, with Aman and Kanwar’s respective mothers being the other two!
"I lost my dad in early 2022. And with my siblings living abroad, I wanted to bring my mother home to stay with us. I had great support from my husband." At this Kanwar adds, "How is her mother different from mine? How can she be left alone?"
Aman adds, "Instead of thinking how we will manage this task, we jointly asked our daughters to do the same for us. We told them, tell us and ensure how DADI and NANI would be comfortable in the existing house. We ensured in this manner that they learn to be a well-bonded bigger family....to ensure that we stick together as one unit."
Such sorted in the mind? Aman informs that this compatibility as a team today, roots back to the past when they grew off their conflicts and arguments.
EVOLVED FROM TACKLING CONFLICTS TO FINDING SOLUTIONS
Kanwar says, "Like every couple, we had our share of dislikes. For instance, as a young man, I was quite distracted by her sloppy behavior at home; like getting up late or a disorganized wardrobe. Only YOGA is her motivation to get up early, even today!"
Aman rolls her eyes at him, we all laugh and Kanwar goes on, “But with time I ensured that I communicated it to her in a way that she improved to some extent. Nagging would have meant that her heart drifted apart from me. So at times, even silence, with just a few eye gestures also means more than words.”
Aman adds, "As a young wife, I would be offended as to how can someone question me? But with time I realized that he was right. And yes, at times his silence would make me tidy my room instantly!" She laughs.
Kanwar recalls, "As a young couple, we used to pile up emotions, but later we evolved. We realized that we have to focus on cutting the chaos from day one. Early conversations are more important than chaos later. We began a ‘regular conversation ritual,’ and the mindset shifted from pondering over the problem to problem-solving. This comes in when you work as a team, when we talk, when we discuss or at least decide to share small things. We felt less burdened and more bonded."
And then they also moved on to doing some daily and weekly rituals as a couple, as a family.
Kanwar tells me, "From the very beginning, we had decided to do things together like Yoga. Also, we are not late-night people. So night would be either our me-time to talk or family time as six of us.”
Aman adds, "Besides, we have our own sets of friends to have our own space. We don't wait for big vacations, or big moments to be together. We have a weekend ritual of celebrating life as a family. We also keep taking small vacations from time-to-time to stay happy and bonded throughout the year."
FROM TEACHER TO A TEACHER-CUM ENTREPRENEUR
In mid-2022, Aman opened the second outlet (her first) of Sparrows at Home Cafe in Noida, Uttar Pradesh, where they stay close by. {This cafe originally belongs to her friend Sahaniya Srivastava, who (along with her brother) founded the brand in 2016.}
I laugh and ask her, "Aman you are disorganized? But this cafe is so amazing with great vibes!" I also pointed out the cute décor, which kids from her school, Creative Feathers, Learning School - By Aman, have made. She runs it from the same cafe for a few hours on weekends. From disorganized Aman to such a magical cafe?
They both laugh and say, "See, that's what! Compatibility is always magical, provided we help each other evolve and not nag each other!"
So the next question I ask Kanwar is, "You said you married a teacher who would balance work life, but now she must be so busy. So how do you both strike work-life balance?"
Kanwar smiles, "Idea to the learning school dates back to 2021 but it took shape inside Sparrows at Home Café in 2022. I already work in a hybrid-work mode and spend the morning with her working from the cafe. Plus we have strategically located the cafe closer to home so that whenever needed she can shuttle between the cafe and home."
Aman says that she credits him for being quite supportive, "We had to strike a balance with the parents rather than kids; Kanwar even manages their spiritual or fun travels impeccably along with sudden needs of the kids."
Then suddenly, she laughs aloud, composes herself and tells me, "Mahima, some throwback here. We used to work daily from the first outset of Sparrow at Home..a few years ago. We were told that people would think of us to be a middle-aged dating couple! When one day someone asked us directly, and we said we were husband and wife, they were surprised with joy. And that was our moment of pride Mahima!”
PROUD ABOUT EACH OTHERS' INDIVIDUALITY VIA MUTUAL TRUST
I ask Kanwar, “Don’t you feel insecure from her success? He looks at her and smiles lovingly, "Why? Rather she is my pride. We are one Unit - each other's success is our OURS, and each others' failures are also OURS. And that’s the trust we have.”
The next and obvious question is how did you develop the trust you keep talking about?
Aman informs, "It is about daily basic communication like telling him where I am, in case I am not home or at the cafe. Today he has a similar habit. So this simple example shows - when you show trust you get back trust!"
Kanwar takes pride in this fact of their life, "She and I share small-small things so often that none from our family can surprise us by asking - ‘Do you know this happened when you were away!?’ We tell them, yes..we/I know. With time we evolved that trust."
A JOURNEY OF UNLEARNING AND LEARNING
Common Goals of the Compassionate Couple: "There are bigger things in life to do than keep fighting or keep finding issues. As partners, we learnt to not fight over petty matters and focus on achieving common larger goals in life."
