I soon have to relocate to a different state for a job. Although the distance is making my boyfriend and I uneasy, we don't want to end our relationship. What should we do?
"I found a wonderful person online, and I want to keep things between us exclusive. He/She is far away, which is the catch. Is going after this a good idea?
"Because of the distance, my boyfriend, who is leaving for a few years, suggests that we take a break from our relationship. Do long-distance relationships truly make sense?
"My boyfriend and I have a long-distance relationship. I haven't felt like returning his calls lately. But I still adore them. What's going on with me?
These and many more questions come to mind when the head and heart are torn apart when either one wants to pursue a good relationship or is unable to handle the existing long-distance ones. Why? Because a long-distance relationship is a romantic one in which the partners are geographically apart. Having a sexual connection entails physical closeness. You don't experience as much physical intimacy in a long-distance relationship as you would in a conventional one. And the lack of touch therapy, the hugs and more actually make you feel vulnerable, whether you are simply committed or married.
Thus, I decided to speak to a few couples and experts on 'How to Have a Successful Long-Distance Relationship.'
1. Create a dialogue that is transparent, honest, and straightforward to Build Trust.
When Radhika got married to Seshan, the latter moved back to Dubai to resume work. And there was time before Radhika could wind up her job and do the needful to move to be with him. There was time, also because theirs was rushed in an arranged marriage. Though her friends would keep telling her to be careful about the husbands falling into adultery when the wife is away, Radhika decided to build a dialogue where she and Seshan could trust each other. "Besides the audio video calls, I would discuss my day with him, my life in India with him, and also how much I miss him. Slowly we fell in love, and conversations became more open. By the time we moved in together eight months later, the conversations, especially through written love letters, had bonded us beyond words. That was 2015. And it's been 7 years of happily married life now, where we both travel because of work, but the distance rather brings us closer."
2. Together come up with a plan on when they can be together
Seshan on the other hand writes to me that women are always more burdened emotionally, especially when they are married to a man in a long-distance relationship. "Mahima, they feel the pressure of the family, who might have trust issues, or how long will it take before they can be together. Here both partners need to chart out a plan on how long it will take before the two get to live together. This clarity helps the pressure to ease out for both."
Once you are done with a plan, decide on a time when you will move in together whic means seal a deadline to meet.
"Doing this will help you both cut out anxiety and trust issues. Not always can you meet a strict deadline, but keeping a goal, and a set target always makes things move in the desired direction. Cutting out anxiety is a must," asserts Bala Murali, 35-year-old wife of Siddanath Murali, who married her after five long years of long distance relationship between Chennai and Delhi. And then another two years she spent in Delhi because she had a more stable job and her husband took time to move to Delhi shifting jobs. She adds, "I had a child in between, it was tough to manage alone. But his frequent visits, even if for a day at times, would help us both stay jovial."
3. Plan regular visits to each other as far as manageable
Senior Psychologist Ramona Shergill from New Delhi writes to me, "See when the distance is long like a different country, it might take an emotional toll on both the partners because it is always not financially viable to visit each other often. But we have to keep in mind that physical intimacy, especially in a married relationship, even if it's just a hug and speaking time hand-in-hand on long drives, is as important as the video calls done. So chart out your finances in such a way that whether it is domestic travel or international, you can spend quality time with each other, in person.
4. Take external help if you find yourself depressed or thinking negatively
Relationship-killing mental health conditions including anxiety and depression can impact commitment, commitment levels, and sexual pleasure. These mental health Difficulties can cause emotional distance between yourself and your spouse and start a cycle of troubles in your relationship that feel too difficult to handle alone.
Advait Rathi from Mumbai,, tells me how he fought his inner demons, when her girlfriend flew to the US to pursue a three year course in higher education. "I was totally sucked into darkness without her, because she was the anchor and calming factor in my life. Any amount of video calls just didn't work. When my friends would speak to me, they would surround me with emotional balance. Plus, they pushed me into doing something I had never thought of - speaking to a mental health expert! Yes, if you frequently experience anxiety or depression, you must schedule a consultation with a mental health professional. They may show you the way to a life that is less stressful and, as a result, a connection with your partner that is more satisfying."
Dr Malcom Staines, a psychiatrist and relationship expert from Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India writes to me when I ask Dr. Staines, about the rules for clear communication during a long-distance relationship, he says, " Mahima, there can be no set rules. But I can surely share some tips on how to go about these, especially when you feel lonely or worried about something." He writes:
Summarizing
We are programmed to find the idea of being close to a person who is far away somewhat contradictory since we are social creatures.
But in reality, long-distance relationships may endure over time and be just as fulfilling as regular in-person interactions with a little effort. All you need to do is fine-tune your mind, your bond, and of course, a heart-to-heart talk, whenever you feel alone! All the best!
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
