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There’s a general debate among people about how love marriages are better as compared to arranged marriages, solely because, in the former, you know the person you are getting hitched to. This is commonly the main apprehension when it comes to arranged marriages. Especially, fears that things may not work out or the marriage may remain loveless due to a lack of familiarity with the person. We are six months into the marriage and I can firmly attest to the fact that even in an arranged set-up, one can find love in the most unexpected ways – just the way I did.
To be honest, there’s no specific day or time I can recollect when I fell in love with my wife, Anushka. But it didn’t take me long enough to realize that she was the perfect match for me. I guess, the first few months into our courtship were all about getting to know each other, what made us happy or sad, our likes and dislikes, and going on mushy romantic dates. In those days, my concept of marriage was different – it was limited to a couple living happily together, having amazing chemistry, and a certain degree of mutual understanding. But, there’s so much more to it, which I’ve learned over time with experience or through Anushka.
So, what really made our arranged marriage so distinct and special from others? In my opinion, it’s our ability to communicate openly for hours together – let it be in the early hours of the morning before we kickstart our day or the post-dinner hours that we keep exclusively for ourselves. In these six months of our marriage, we have made it a ritual to spend at least two to three hours together after work, sharing and discussing everything under the sky – from how our day went at work to what could possibly improve our productivity or how better we can manage our household chores. This is one aspect of our relationship that bonded the two of us really close and I owe the credit for this to my wife.
Apart from these things, a major change that Anushka has brought into my life, which also helps us maintain a spark between us, is appreciating each other’s efforts – no matter how big or small they may be. Whether that includes my contribution towards the household chores on a day to day basis to reduce Anushka’s burden or she planning surprise weekend getaways for me - our efforts for each other never go unnoticed or unappreciated. By the way, doing household chores is not helping your wife, its not her sole responsibility, rather I see it as a shared responsibility. Also, as a shy and introverted individual, I wasn’t the best at the art of expressing my emotions, but Anushka paved the way for me without making things too obvious or awkward.
Now, as a couple, we make it a point to not only appreciate but also correct each other, wherever and whenever necessary, without allowing criticism to step in. I think this sense of balance keeps both of us grounded and aware of each other’s needs and expectations. We do have our days of ups and downs, as our personalities are quite different, but we discuss the concerns and identify solutions at that very moment in order to avoid letting things spiral. Owing to my hectic job and odd working hours, I prefer resting and staying back home over the weekend, whereas Anushka loves spending her weekends out; watching a movie, going on a dinner date, or a simple outing with me and her friends. Here’s where our different preferences step in, but we ensure talking about our interests and comfort openly, instead of forcing each other into things we are not willing to do. This quality to talk things out and constantly put effort to strengthen our relationship is something I learned from my wife and remains the key to our successful marriage.
And although the span of our marriage has been brief, both my partner and this relationship has made me a better person and instilled in me some great traits – even something as basic yet major as patience. As someone who has been impatient and preferred things to roll over quickly, understanding the importance of taking things as they come and living in the present moment seemed impossible. However, here’s where Anushka lent a helping hand until I became conscious of my actions and decided to change for the better. Even in moments when a sense of fear seeps in with respect to our future and ongoing responsibilities, Anushka stands like a pillar besides me and helps me stay grounded. What’s interesting is how she has gotten me introduced to meditation and journaling that help me gain a new perspective during stressful situations.
Without a doubt, this change in me has emerged like a breath of fresh air that helps me not only in my personal life but on the professional front too. I’m calmer and less reactive than before, and instead strive to respond with due cognizance. Now that I look back at my younger self, it surprises me how much the presence of a single person can transform us as individuals. A year and a half ago, if somebody had told me to consider an arranged marriage, I would have probably brushed the idea under the rug. But today, I’m glad I took that decision because every day I get to fall in love with my other half who completes and compliments me like no other!
