“The person you marry is not the person you divorce.”
But what happens when one of them cheats?
22nd October, 2022 - Today
“Ayush, te bey laadoo khai lidha chhe. Bas havey.”
How Kaveri managed to place her bindi geometrically right in the centre of her forehead is a mystery I’m still trying to solve. I realised I was looking right through her red bindi into the oblivion, thinking about how far we had come in these 10 years, completely ignoring her repeated warnings of abstaining from laddoos(since I was highly diabetic), until, of course, she snatched the 3rd one from my hand.
I was so in love with her. I’ve always been in love with her for as long as I can remember – the flawed waves of her hair look like a piece of art. However, I wish she’d tie the bun more so I could watch her little hair flicks slide behind her perfectly carved ears.
“10 years Kaveri, you’ve dealt with me for 10 LONG YEARS!” I joked.
“That’s because you deserve it, Ayush. Happy Anniversary my love.”
22nd October, 2015 – D-Day
“I deserve it,” I slapped the table so hard, I think a rusty nail from the top-right corner popped out. Why did it have to come out like THIS. I would do ANYTHING to undo this. ANYTHING.
The calendar read 22nd October as I tried to muster myself back to my senses. “Cancel all my meetings till Friday, George, please,” I stammered thrice while saying “please”, I realised.
Kaveri and I were a typical madly-in-love, working-class, metropolitan couple who got married three years ago. Every Friday night, we would make time to go out to dine, attend a party, or see a movie together.
We had decided that we would wait to start a family until our careers had stabilized to the point where we could afford to take time off. We were both heavily ambitious and the potential to succeed in our respective industries was equal.
We, as an urban couple, had a nice life, to put it briefly.
Until today.
I am remorseful. Kaveri is distraught.
But she finds it difficult to detest me. Hell, I absolutely know she finds it impossible to imagine a life without me. I am trying to be contrite and as understanding as I can be, but it doesn't make it any easier. I accept every slur Kaveri can hurl at me given I would do anything to make this work. She was never the combative person in a fight, anyway, therefore she loses her temper at once. She is harmed, though, and she has all the right.
Things she had taken for granted, such as wanting to spend her later years with me, bearing children with me, and relocating to that upscale home in Mumbai, were all now questioned. My adultery raised many concerns about Kaveri’s future. But it wasn't her main priority.
She was a walking mess because of the physical and mental anguish she felt post knowing that her adoring husband yearned for someone else, at some point.
On the other hand, I was dealing with my own problems. Despite the fact that, on the one hand, my guilt about keeping the secret had significantly diminished, the suffering Kaveri would endure if she ever learned was just as severe as I had anticipated, if not worse.
Not that I didn't care for Kaveri. Together with her, I made several future plans. But I was powerless against Shefali's alluring charms. To be honest, I enjoyed being with her and yearned for the romance only a new relationship could brew.
Every time my mind tried to rationalise my behaviour by telling myself that my interactions with Kaveri had become somewhat routine and dull, I loathed myself.
December, 2015 - The Initial Discussions
It took Kaveri a few weeks to return home. She spent this period residing with her friend. My sombre, guilt-filled face wasn't something she had to see every day, but she couldn't help but think about me(she told me afterwards). Her usual routine had been completely altered.
A few times when she woke up from a slumber, she found herself idly searching for me, and she used to think that everything was just a horrible dream.
The weight of reality, though, suddenly hit her when she realised I hadn't responded.
I am not sure, but maybe I did well by giving Kaveri some space. In an attempt to regain Kaveri’s trust, I also cut all contact with Shefali and left my place of employment so I did not have to bear any discomfort between the two of us. All of this gave Kaveri the strength she needed to resolve her issues with me.
The initial discussions were challenging. She cried out, attempting to see me through her tear-filled eyelids. I inevitably had a painful expression on my face, and the lump in my neck was practically obvious to the unaided eye.
There were numerous responses to it, including some that were accusatory, some self-blaming, and some helpful. She was deeply affected by responses that mentioned having an unpleasant sex life. She frequently yelled at me in an effort to bruise my ego, but I recalled that she had all the right to be anxious and react to the action that was done - not to mention, my actions were worse. Kaveri didn't feel much better, though. I mainly remained still as I listened to every insult directed at me, again, for love's sake. So, I occasionally said, "I deserve it."
New Years - 2016
This was not much of a mark of a fresh year, but a dark one. The discussions quickly got more in-depth. There was acceptance now that it had happened, once. But, the curiosity phase had just begun.
How we met, and when? How was this something I kept from her for so long? That one time, was I actually with my friends? What place did we meet? Intimate information on our sexual adventures. Who else was aware of this? Why was Shefali more appealing than she was? Did she not realise I was married?
Kaveri was right. And no matter how challenging the questions were, I answered them all politely and honestly.
It was soon sufficiently simpler to discuss. Kaveri had always appreciated my candor, and even though it hurt her to talk about this, she recalled over and over again that I was the guy she had once imagined spending the rest of her life with.
Mid-April, 2016 - Crossroads
A few months have passed since she learned about my relationship. I now have a new job; I worked very hard to obtain it and never once complained.
She trusted me more since she was aware of my dedication to my prior position. I was trying, and Kaveri could tell. But she was now too terrified to fully believe anything. Kaveri made an effort as well. She appeared to be at a junction of a pathway she had to choose. The first included leaving me and starting again. The other was to make an effort to resolve matters with me.
She bravely made the latter decision for the time being for the sake of love and what she always called "a sacred bond", fully realising that there was a good probability that none of this would succeed. Despite how much she cared for me, she was unable to provide me with forgiveness. However, I was aware of it and was prepared to accept and back her decision.
22nd October, 2022 - Today
Now, everything nearly seems promising.
With the exception of an occasional question from Kaveri, we don't talk about the affair anymore. We haven't even talked about it for a few days, and it almost feels like nothing has occurred. We occasionally take lengthy walks or visit the neighborhood zoo.
We look at each other with love and respect, she also started baking for me again some years ago. I press her saris once in a while and also drape her in one occasionally. I think we’re those teenage romantics again.
There are also unpleasant days, when we yell, toss objects, and insult without holding back, but with a lover’s code that we won’t bring that one thing up, ever.
Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s my anniversary, and my red is waiting.
(Smiles)
Expert advice: Getting over Infidelity Together
Dr. Parth Nagda, M. D. Psychiatry, Mumbai explains how infidelity can be dealt with, collectively, as a couple:
"Outrage, wrath, hurt, and betrayal are just a few of the emotions that someone who has been cheated on must deal with once the adultery is discovered. Given the damage infidelity does to a relationship, the majority of individuals believe that the only 'proper' approach to handle infidelity is to express anger and move on. Not many people entertain the idea of how to recover after being betrayed while remaining together. In fact, sticking with a spouse who has wandered off might get you criticised."
He adds that although it is not simple, it is possible to mend a relationship after adultery. "If you're thinking about staying together after having an affair and mending a relationship, bear the following in mind:
Abhinav* in conversation with Harshita Dagha.
Names masked to secure identity.
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist(s). The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist(s) do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
