This week we spoke with LGBTQ Sumedha and Sakshi (names and location changed on the couple's request to protect their privacy), who have navigated the challenges of starting a life together in India. Looking back on their journey, Sumedha and Sakshi have some tips for other LGBTQ couples who are considering starting a life in India. Let's read their story of grit and determination as well as the lessons they learned...
Sumedha and Sakshi met while studying at a university in Tamil Nadu, India. They quickly fell in love and knew that they wanted to build a life together. However, they soon realized that as an LGBTQ couple, they would face unique challenges in a country where same-sex relationships are not widely accepted.
"We knew from the beginning that being in a same-sex relationship in India would be difficult," Sumedha recalls. "But we also knew that we loved each other and were determined to make it work."
As the couple began to build a life together, they encountered challenges along the way. They struggled to find a safe and inclusive place to live, and navigating healthcare systems and securing legal rights was also a challenge. Through their journey from dating to recently moving in together at a rented apartment in Chennai, the couple learned various aspects of how to tide over the various challenges.
"We've come a long way since we first met," Sakshi reflects. "And while there have been challenges along the way, we've also found joy and love in each other."
Looking back on their journey, Sumedha and Sakshi have 10 tips for other LGBTQ couples who are considering starting a life in India.
Research the legal landscape, Seek Professional Advice: We did some research on the legal landscape as it is important to know what laws are in place and how they are enforced, especially when it comes to LGBTQ rights. As suggested by LGBTQ support groups, we consulted with a lawyer who specializes in LGBTQ issues to make sure we understood our legal rights and protections. This can include anti-discrimination laws, hate crime laws, and other legal protections. Knowing our rights helped us to advocate for ourselves whenever we faced discrimination. It will take time before India accepts us as who we are, but this can only happen when India knows about our rights. And for that we have to speak for ourselves.
Connect with local LGBTQ groups: We connected with some local LGBTQ groups when we arrived, and it has been so helpful. They've provided us with support and a sense of community that we wouldn't have had otherwise.
Consider the practicalities: Living together as a lesbian couple in India can come with some challenges. We had to think about finding a safe and inclusive place to live, as well as navigating healthcare systems and securing legal rights. For instance, with the help of LGBTQ support groups, we researched LGBTQ-friendly neighbourhoods and communities. Also, there are several online resources available that provide information on LGBTQ-friendly areas, such as the Human Rights Campaign's Municipal Equality Index.
Be mindful of public displays of affection: Public displays of affection aren't always accepted, so we've learned to be more mindful of our actions when we're out. While we initially struggled with the thought of having to hide our relationship in public, then we realised that personal safety and mental health are more important and chose to prioritise these instead of getting bothered by how others think.
Be aware of discrimination & security threats: Unfortunately, discrimination against LGBTQ individuals still happens in some parts of India. It's important to be aware of this and take precautions to protect ourselves from harassment or violence. In our case we read about the laws and what are the crimes against LGBTQ and how to register a case, if need be. This also included things like having a designated meeting spot if we got separated during a third-party threat; carrying a whistle or other personal safety device like pepper spray is also another step we maintain. Plus, of course, we have emergency numbers to contact.
Be cautious when disclosing your sexual orientation: Disclosing your sexual orientation to others can be a delicate matter, especially in areas where LGBTQ rights are not widely accepted. It is important to be cautious when and where disclosing this information and assess each situation carefully.
Build a support network: Building a support network has been essential for us. We've made some amazing friends here who have helped us feel more comfortable and secure in our new home.
Keep up-to-date with local news and events: We stay informed about local news and events, especially those related to LGBTQ rights, via local news and events, etc. It helps us be aware of any changes in our environments that may affect us.
Regularly Communicate with each other: It’s important to regularly communicate with each other about any external stress that you are facing because of discrimination, or taunts by others. Not sharing with your partner can also lead to pent-up frustration which can show up in other unrelated times in your relationship. Remember at the end of the day, you and your partner are in this together. Regular communication can also help build trust and strengthen your relationship.
Celebrate your identity: Finally, we have learned that over time don't be afraid to celebrate your identity and live your life authentically. While there may be challenges, being true to yourself is an essential part of creating a fulfilling life
Takeaways from Sumedha and Sakshi's Life
Starting life as an LGBTQ couple in India can be a daunting prospect, but it is also a chance to break down barriers and pave the way for a more inclusive future. By navigating the legal and cultural landscape with caution, seeking out support networks and legal advice, and staying true to themselves, LGBTQ couples in India can create a path for others to follow. It's a chance to challenge the status quo and pave the way for a more equal society, one that celebrates love and diversity in all its forms. While there may be obstacles and challenges along the way, the journey to creating a fulfilling life as an LGBTQ couple in India is an opportunity to make a lasting impact and leave a positive mark on the world.
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