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27 year-old Aditya and 26 year-old Kashish went to the same school in their hometown, Gurgaon, but never really interacted with each other. They were in different class sections, completely unaware of the other person’s existence. This story is about their coming together despite never sharing a word at school.
Kashish tells me, “It was destiny which brought us together at the right place, at the right time.” Aditya differs from this and feels, "It was us two who worked to build this relationship". Even though both feel differently about how the journey of their relationship, the love, and affection that they exhibit toward each other is beautiful.
They both begin to share the story of how they ended up in the relationship 6 years after high school ended.
Jab We Met…Again!
Aditya recalls seeing Kashish at a friend’s birthday party in March’21. He says, “They have a mutual friend named Priya and have met each other a few times on birthday parties but never talked. This time when he was at the party, he saw Kashish, and instantly fell for her.”
For Kashish it was merely a reunion of batch mates. Kashish mentions, “I was very sure I didn’t want to be involved in any relationship at that time. I remember chatting with Aditya for a few minutes that day and that was it from my side.” Little did she know that she would be confessing her love for Aditya five months later.
This is how their journey began. They both say that it has not been an easy ride and they experienced a lot of ups and downs in the last year. Aditya and Kashish react differently to stressful situations. One believes in seeking emotional support from loved ones while the other finds it challenging to communicate the problem. And this became a point of conflict between them for a few months.
A Tough Time Initially….
Kashish mentions, “Aditya is someone who doesn’t believe in talking about the problems he is facing in his personal life, concerning his family or his work, or any other stressful situation he might be going through. He thinks he can deal with them all without any external support.”
She further adds that she has a different view on this; she seeks support from friends and believes in communicating her feelings when she experiences a stressful situation. This was a fight they frequently had.
Aditya commented, “Since childhood, I have kept my troubles to myself and this became a part of my personality. As an adult, I learned to function in the same way. The fact that I was manipulated and taken advantage of, in my previous relationship by my partner, reinforced this pattern further. Honestly, no one has ever asked about my feelings, which led to this belief that my needs are not important. So whenever Kashish and I used to experience emotional turmoil, my natural response was to suppress the whole thing and not talk about it. I could sense it was affecting her. But I didn’t know how to make things right.”
To this Kashish says, “I remember the fights we had in the first few months of our relationship. Like Aditya not answering calls post an argument because he needed time to calm down while I used to call him 6 times in a row to resolve the fight as soon as possible. Aditya found this annoying as I was not giving him the time and space he needed.”
Communicating about their needs in the relationship, respecting each other’s boundaries, and showing empathy became taxing for them. Two people who have found love in each other unexpectedly were not willing to give up on their relationship and soon realized they meant more to each other than these fights they were having.
How They Ensured They Stuck Together
Love is just one ingredient of a successful relationship; personal growth, acceptance, patience, healthy communication, and willingness to change are among the others. Emotions are complex but suppressing them is not effective either. Expressing feelings can deepen and strengthen the relationship one has with a partner. This happened with them too while they were trying to ensure that they didn't break up the bond for petty matters.
Communicating about the intention behind the behaviour and willingness to modify itthis worked in the favour of this couple.
Kashish remarked, “I promised myself to be patient and supportive. I started using affirmative statements in our conversations such as I am here for you, we will figure this out together, and your needs are equally important in this relationship. This helped Aditya to trust me. The other thing I did was to ask reflective questions like how are you feeling today? Is something bothering you? I still do this every once in a while. Most of the time, he answers it. However, there were instances when he felt uncomfortable, so in those situations, I used to take a step back, give him time to work through this and you know what, he would eventually come around and share.”
On the other hand, Aditya tells me, “I soon realized my way of coping with this situation was not healthy either. I started acknowledging her needs and responding to them sensitively. I can see positive changes in my personality. And I have told Kashish many times that she helped me with this. I have always felt that I need to agree with the other person every time if I want them to stay in my life. But Kashish made me realize that I can have different opinions in life and it is okay to express them. I started talking about my needs in this relationship and instead of dismissing them, she listens and acknowledges them. This is important in a relationship because it makes the other person feel important and cared for.”
Kashish looked at him with fondness in her eyes. And points out that Aditya has also put in a lot of effort in this relationship. She remarked, ‘One thing which worked for us and still does is that we don’t get defensive; we accept where we are wrong and we apologize immediately.’
Aditya agrees to this and further adds, "We instantly make up for a fight; she would write long messages, make a PowerPoint presentation or send me a dessert. And it's not like she does it only after a fight, she does it randomly sometimes. This cheers me up and makes me believe that I am loved. I believe these gestures go a long way in a relationship because they provide constant reminders of love, care, and support."
A Symbiotic Bond
“What does Aditya brings to the relationship which made you stuck around?” I asked. “I have an anxious attachment style and need constant reassurance from my partner. Sometimes I get too dependent on Aditya for my emotional needs; in those times, he has looked out for and comforted me. What I have learnt in this relationship is that each individual has their own love language which might be different for both the partners. Aditya’s love language is sending me songs which reminds him of me, cooking for me, taking me for shopping. He doesn’t shy away from expressing his love for me in person; he has a picture of us in our room which I find extremely cute. Aditya brings a sense of security in this relationship." Kashish replied while looking at him.
Talking about the current status of their relationship, they both feel happy and content together.
(The names of the above family members have been changed at request from the family, to maintain their privacy)
Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed within this interview are the personal opinions of the protagonist/protagonists. The facts & statistics, the work profile details of the protagonist/ protagonists do not reflect the views of Baely or the Journalist. Neither Baely nor the Journalist hold any responsibility or liability for the same.
