Shared Couple Memories: Why they're important, and how can you create them

What's a shared couple memory?

Shared memory between a couple in a relationship means having common experiences and moments that both partners can remember and cherish together. Shared memories help to create a stronger bond between the couple, as they are able to re-live these special moments together. 

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Why is it important to have shared memories?

Based on research done by world-renowned relationship expert John Gottman - “The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions. There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That “magic ratio” is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions.”

Think of your shared memories like a bank account, and based on the finding shared above, we need to constantly invest in creating these positive interactions to have a happy and healthy relationship. A higher balance allows both partners to feel like they are on the same page and strengthens the connection that they have. It also helps you weather the rough days, which by the way, every relationship goes through, whether it’s triggered by stress at work, dirty socks on the floor, not having enough sex, or spending too much money. There are two ways you can maintain a healthy memory account balance, a large topup (e.g annual holidays) once or twice a year or smaller ones throughout the year, and you should be doing both to maintain a healthy balance. More on how below. 

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How can I create shared memories?

There are many different ways that you can create shared memories between you and your partner. While the annual holiday that you go on is great, it is equally important to create these memories on a regular basis, whether it’s at home or in the city, or around. 

One way is to take turns planning special date nights or weekend getaways where you can do something new and exciting together. Another way is to make an effort to do things together that you both enjoy, such as going for walks, watching movies, cooking meals, or even having a simple movie night at home with popcorn. Whatever you do, make sure that you take the time to really be present with each other. 

One more thing, a shared memory doesn't always have to be an activity that both partners like, however, being open to doing something that your partner likes will go a long way in creating a healthy relationship. Maybe you don't like eating that street side food, but your partner loves it, so go ahead and do it. Also, while sometimes your partner may not show appreciation, he/she will definitely recognize it. And sooner or later, will reciprocate. Remember, you and your partner are different people, and unlikely that your interests will be exactly the same, but being open to trying different things just creates more memories. What do you have to lose?

You could also document the experience through photos or videos so that you can look back at these memories together once in a while.

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Stories of shared memories by couples

1. Both of us like playing board games and have quite a few of those at home. So whenever we have time in the evening after work and are tired to do anything, we take out one of the games and have a fun and light evening for 1-2 hours. A lot of our memories are from what happens in between those games 😜
2. "My husband and I love to travel and one of our favorite shared memories is from our trip to Rajasthan. We had just arrived in Jodhpur and were feeling a bit overwhelmed by the city. But then we happened upon this tiny little shop selling the most delicious kachori. We sat down at the counter and enjoyed the best meal of our entire trip. It was such a simple moment, but it's something that we always talk about when we look back on our time in Rajasthan."
3. "My wife and I are both avid readers, so one of our favorite things to do is go to used bookstores and browse for hours. We always find the coolest books and it's really fun to share our finds with each other. We have so many great memories from our book-hunting adventures and it's something we always enjoy doing together."
4. "I'll never forget the day my girlfriend surprised me with tickets to see my favorite band in concert. It was such an amazing night and we danced and sang along to all of the songs. It was one of the best nights of my life and I'm so grateful that she shared it with me."
5. "My boyfriend and I are both foodies, so we love going out to new restaurants and trying different dishes. One of our favorite memories is from when we went to this tiny little hole-in-the-wall place in Delhi that served the most incredible chola bhatura. We loved it so much that we went back the next day and got takeout. It was such a fun experience and we always talk about how much we loved that meal."
6. "Last year, my girlfriend and I decided to go on a road trip together. We drove up the western ghats and stopped at all of the cool little towns along the way. We had so many great adventures and it was such a fun experience to share together. Now, every time we see one of those towns, it reminds us of our trip and all of the great memories we made."
7. We both like watching shows on Netflix, Hotstar, HBO, you name it. That being said, we do have a simple understanding that for most (not all, I don't like watching documentaries, so he watches them on his own) of the shows, we will watch them together, even if that means that one of us has to wait because the other person is traveling for work, etc. The best part about this, even when we are not watching the show, it gives us a lot to talk about whether it’s how bad the plot is or who is going to die next (i am talking about Game of Thrones 👑)

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No matter what your shared memory is, the important thing is that it is something that you and your partner can enjoy together. These memories will help to keep the spark alive in your relationship and provide comfort during tough times. So make sure to take the time to create shared memories with your loved one – it will be worth it in the long run!

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