We have all seen the term love language go around the internet for a while now. I suppose a lot of us have also tried to guess what our love language is or what our partners might be. Well, at least I know I have!
But for those of us who aren’t so familiar, love languages are ways we like to show our love and receive it from others. In case you'd like to know more about what love languages might be, you can check out this article on love languages and then get back here to take a deep dive into the love language of physical touch.
As a therapist, talking about physical touch with clients and friends alike has always brought in interesting perspectives. Physical touch, a love language often wrongly considered to be synonymous with sex is much more than just sexual intimacy. So, I spoke with some couples to explore outside of these definitions and learn some new ways.
Aaliya, 21, and Komal, 30 shared what physical touch means for their relationship. As soon as they wake up, they have decided they'll spend a few minutes in the morning cuddling. Aaliya says, “It feels like I'm starting my day on a good note. It always puts me in a good mood, especially if I've had any nightmares the night before.” Komal adds, “I never considered myself to be a very physical person but this morning routine has really changed things for me. I now understand how reassuring physical touch with my partner is for my relationship and look forward to it as well.”
Although both Aaliya and Komal may not share the same love language, committing part of their morning routine to cuddles helped them incorporate physical touch in a way that improved their mood, gave their days a good start and helped them feel safe and loved in the relationship.
Sneha, 27 shares how her partner has been a huge support for her in moments her nerves get the best of her. “When I'm in big crowds, even if it's our friends and we're at a party I tend to get nervous quite easily. But when Joseph is with me, he always holds my hand, which calms my nerves.” She adds, “And since I like physical contact, I would try and stay close to him almost all the time. He jokes and says we’re glued together but even if it's a welcome home hug or a goodbye kiss, it all makes me feel closer to him.”
Hearing Sneha express how small physical gestures held so much meaning for his relationship shines a light on how there are multiple ways for us to show affection physically. Not only that, but physical touch also seems to be an act of support conveying our empathy and understanding to our partner.
It’s the comfort of putting your head on your partner’s shoulders as you think, the relaxation of receiving a shoulder massage as you want to loosen up after a tiring day and even holding hands as you walk and run errands. Physical touch allows us to be and feel present for each other.
In another instance, Rizwan, 34 shares how he and his partner improved physical touch in their relationship. “5 years into the relationship, sex had become monotonous.. it just felt like it had lost all its charm. Our routines had become so taxing that taking time out for sex just felt like too much effort. More often than not we ended up not having sex for weeks and we were very sexually active early in our relationship,” says Rizwan. He adds, “Then my partner introduced the idea of scheduling sex as part of foreplay.
Even though I was skeptical at first, it was about intentionality. Scheduling sex which seemed so administrative surprisingly created space for more flirting, banter and foreplay as we planned!”. He shared looking forward to not only intimacy but conversations and planning that led up to it.
From Rizwan’s experience, we get to understand what intentionality and foreplay can bring to the table. The act of sex which had lost all charm for this couple suddenly was filled with anticipation and seduction by simply scheduling sex. When we schedule sex it gives us the time and space to put thought into what we want to do with our partner, what new ways we would want to explore and recreate a rhythm for intimacy.
Our body language, physical proximity, and touch are just some of the ways we flirt with someone; ways we build comfort, intimacy, and attraction with each other. It’s also a way to be seen and experience safety.
Hugs, pats on the back, kissing, love taps, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
As you might have picked up from our stories so far, expressions of physical touch don’t necessarily have to mean sexual intimacy. For individuals whose primary love language is physical touch, it plays a vital role in feeling loved and valued in a relationship. They often crave physical closeness and find comfort, reassurance, and a sense of connection through physical touch. It can be a powerful means of communication for them, conveying emotions and support that words may not fully express.
It is important to understand and respect each person's preferences and boundaries in the relationship. It helps us ensure that physical touch is expressed in a way that is mutually satisfying and comfortable for both partners. After all, loving physical touch includes loving consent! So, explore with your partner what physical touch means to you and how you'd like to prioritize it in your relationship.
Learning from these stories, we can see that people differ in how meaningful physical touch is for them. For some, it is a frequent routine but for others, it is a more occasional, but still meaningful gesture. So what are your favorite ways of exploring touch with your partner? What makes you feel comforted, seen, and loved? Questions you can find with your partner with words and more! ;)
** All personal details of couples have been changed to protect their privacy.
